"What do I need to change?", "Why should I change?", and "When should I change?".
While these questions are crucial, the more challenging question is "How do I change?". Coaches often do not have a definitive answer to this because each individual's journey and needs are unique. It is not the coach's role to decide on a specific approach for change, as doing so may overlook the individual's unique characteristics and experiences. Instead, coaches should avoid taking control, which can lead to clients relinquishing responsibility for their own decisions and progress. This disempowers clients and undermines their self-efficacy.
Then, if you are lucky, you reach the second strata of the behavioural stratosphere, the ‘hows’. The golden chord of coaching, the open-sesame equivalent, Cohen’s chord of David. Suddenly a pathway opens up before you as a coach, we’ve moved into second, a huge, risk-filled, Sisyphean step has been taken towards us.
So ‘How do I change?’ enters the room.
That, I can confidently tell someone receiving coaching, I have absolutely no idea.
Definitely not the answer they want. Definitely not the answer they were expecting. Probably the answer they were holding in pocket for when they were asked the same question.
This is not strictly true in many cases as I have a host of differing experiences in behavioural change, both personally and professionally, archetypal examples I can draw from and hypotheses based on what I might know through my work with an individual. I would have an arsenal of potential resources up my sleeves and in the wings.
The fundamental principle is correct though, I do not know.
I do not know if an approach will work, I do not know if it will be right for someone. And the conclusion that should be drawn from that is the one I believe all coaches should take, ‘it is not for me to make that decision.’ If we step in to take the reins and confidently state that a particular approach works we run the risk of (sometimes unwittingly, do note that I am not accusing people of malicious intent within this!), disregarding their idiosyncrasies, their communication style, their belief systems, potentially their previous attempts to engage in an approach and secondly we do the most counter-productively wonderful thing, we take the onus off them to decide.
Fantastic. We have allowed the person to bench themselves, to retire early, to ‘out of office’ their decision-making knowing that when they are back they can chalk up poor results to whoever they gifted the helm to.
In this case, it is us. The coach.
How can you help engender empowerment and self-efficacy if you do not give someone the opportunity to do so?
The logic is fairly basic here, I am not creating causal chains of complexity.
So what do we do? How do we provide valuable support if we aren’t providing solutions in this
manner?
We ask them and then we let them know that we are here to look into it with them. Alongside them.
We open up the cupboard and rifle through the drawers.
Together.
